Controversial topic

Having just witnessed a historial moment within the United Kingdom last night made me really want to write this post. The terminologies that I use here are probably going to be incorrect as I have been following the series of events in chinese, plus I have never studied politics, law or economics (anything academic that helps shape a society). My understandings on current events and my opinions are completely based on keeping up to date with newspaper and different media outlets. My view could be skewed, and biased, but I feel comfortable enough to express them here on this personal blog.

I am by no mean someone who is on top of every single political issues around the world, but I would like to think that I still like to research into the matters and try to understand the case from different prospectives, because at the end of the day, with the world being so open and public, everything will have a consequence and it will affect almost everyone in one way or another. In my view, a lot of the political issues happening within the UK right now does not directly affect me and therefore I have been pretty out of it. But the Scottish Independence Referendum has changed that. Slightly. What can I say about it? Well, I am not scottish, heck I am still trying to become british having been in this country for more than a decade. So I don't really think my view is relevant.

But this brings me back to the main reason for posting this. I normally like to keep the matter light hearted on this blog as it's just about running and knitting. But I couldn't help but relate to the issues Scotland was facing, and the slight similarities with the problems that Hong Kong is having right now, with the chinese government.

Since the hand-over in 1997, Hong Kong was promised a high degree of autonomy, and we were to be ruled by the basic law, instead of common law which is practised in the People's Republic of China. However, that promise has not been met. Since 1997, Hong Kong has never been able to choose its own chief executive. It was always appointed, by a committee selected by the PRC government. Yes the size of that committee has increased over the years, but you couldn't help but think that those people must have done something, or be an advantage for the PRC gov in order to be selected to be part of the organisation. So what does this say about the chief executive they have chosen for Hong Kong?

Slowly but surely, Hong Kong could feel the grasp of China becoming tighter and tighter, suffocating different aspect of our city, freedom of speech and democracy being the main issues. Peaceful demonstrations are usually met with hostility from the police force and altered information through left-wing sources. Unprovoked arrest has happened in the most recent rehearsal for occupy central. Excessive use of force and violence have been shown by law enforcement. There have also been numerous times where media and journists were refrained from providing viewers with footage and information of the events because they were blocked, purposedly or accidentally, this we would never know.

Of course, there have also been series of events happening from a long time ago, casting fear among the citizens of Hong Kong, in regards to what our future is going to be like. Article 23 back in 2003 was a good example. Then there was the white paper published this year. The brutal attack on an ex-newspaper editor also fueled the anger within Hong Kong. Ng Leung Sing force through funding for the controversial rail project. The broadcasting scandal. The ongoing battle with Hong Kong becoming over populated by Mainlanders arriving through different means possible. Like I said at the beginning, I am by no mean up to date with every single political issues and therefore I am missing out a lot more other events. But these are the ones that stuck with me the most.

I can't help but feel hopeless about Hong Kong's future. I say bravo to those in Scotland who have fought long and hard for their independence. It is definitely very frustrating when you are not in control of your own country, or have to be part of the government that is controlling your land, your resource and your people yet you have no part in the decision making. I had my reservations regarding the independence. I can't be a hypocrite and be completely against their independence, considering my own hometown is fighting so hard for its own (even though its not complete independence, I guess we are fighting for equivalent to what would have been for Scotland had there been the third - Devo-max - vote.) I wont express explicitly what I had hoped for Scotland here as that is unnecessary, but all I can say is, if Scotland would have won this referendum, even with possible shock and shake up world wide, Hong Kong could have used some of that 'braveheart' momentum, wake up those that don't normally care about politics, or falsely believe that with a regular paying jobs our lives are secure, and truly fight for democracy for the next 33 years, while we still have the chance to.

I do not mean to upset anyone with this blog, I am solely expressing my own view.

C

Rant #1

It really frustrates me.
When you asked me to do something and I do it, but then you don't even look at it.
You don't criticise it, you don't compliment it, you don't think about it.
What is the point of me doing this?
I would consider this wasting mine and your time.
I could be doing something to really help you. I could be doing something for myself if you really have nothing for me to do.
But to ask me to do something, and then to ignore it completely and re-do what you asked me to do, and basically coming up with the exact same result, is time and resource wasting.

Struggle

I am not going to lie. Rome has been difficult.
Now in a way that I miss my family and friends and I feel left out type of difficult.
But for my work life, it has been a struggle.

Although it has not gone as well as I had hoped, I feel that I have really picked up the basics of the language, able to communicate on a everyday level, on shallow and easy topics with friends and colleagues in broken italian, a language which I was basically thrown into its deep end 5 months ago (4 if you take the month of august away).

Having only studied french and latin in school almost a decade ago, my knowledge of european language is not very good at all. But I was happy about this change. I was happy that after graudation, I was given this opportunity to explore a completely new city, new work space, and most of all, learn a new language that is very crucial for my choice of career.

Little did I know that I would have THIS much difficulties with the language, especially during work.

Yes, I have picked up words and sentence structures only the Roman uses (fare come Romana). But I am still struggling day after day to express myself, to show my creative side. I can receive information and do as I am told, but I was unable to share my opinions and my passion for design. This has been incredibly frustrating. Especially frustrating when the promised language lessons never took place. I continue to try my best to speak about my designs and work in as much of profession-suitable italian that I have learnt and picked up, but in the end, I am often overlooked because of this shortcoming.

I would love to be one of those people that are just a genius when it comes to language and be able to learn it in no time, especially when given the opportunity to live in said country.

I feel like I have failed.

I am still very much wanting to learn the language when I am back in London, simply because I have lived here for 5 months (and will be 6 months), I have made many italian friends whom I want to keep in touch with. I want to keep on expanding my knowledge for this language, because it is beautiful and extremely useful.

I just hope, I won't fail again when I do take it up once I am back.

Omg.

The thought of moving back to the UK is quite daunting. That means I need to pack all my 15 years back into boxes, get them shipped back, meet all my lovely Roman friends one last time, run a lot, and head back to London and hunt for jobs. Oh the joy.

And i also need to pack my things depending on what my living situation will be. Will I have everything with me as soon as I land in London? Will I need to store my items somewhere first? If so, what should I bring and pack with me that will keep me entertain for the time while I am looking for a place. Will I be able to afford everything? What if I don't find a job.

But, to calm myself, I have put together a list of things, that I will be able to do, mostly for free, in the time that I am trying to sort my life out again, transitioning from Rome to London.

- Quilting. I cannot explain my excitement when there were lots of material and swatch samples being thrown up, and I just happen to be there to see this happening. Naturally, I went through all these boxes, and picked out quite a few (or a lot...) or swatches which I am intending to do lots of things with and spend a lot of time on. Yay for free activities!

- Picture framing. This, will not be free as I am no carpenter and therefore not good with wood. But I do have a lot of my lovely mum's chinese calligraphy that I am intending to frame up finally. Her calligraphy is so so so beautiful.

- Other pictures framing. Apart from swatches, there were also lots of colour cards thrown out, which, I thought could make quite a nice wall hanging. How the assemble will go, I have yet to decide on a design.

- Even more pictures framing. Ok, I realise this whole framing thing will cost me a lot, but no harm in preparing works that I can frame later on, when I have money. Embroidery, more quilting but on a smaller scale, knitting, even drawing! Not to sound narcissistic but I have a few ideas that I think would look quite nice, given that I can do them properly, as wall hangings.

- Read. Oh em gee. So many books. Fault in our stars (thanks Jazz!), so many Murakami books. More running books. (Actually, that is quite a limited collection. Anyone got any suggestions?

- Oh yea, my portfolio. I need to prepare that. Fun. No, really, fun.

- Jewllry. I realise that I had been quite magpie-like and had been so obsessed with all these sparkly beads and things in the last year or so and made an absurd amount of jewllery. However, I have such a huge amount of these gold hoops that, actually, instead of using them as components of the necklace, I will make them the star of it. Ideas brewing in my head.

- Back to reading, been very keen to read through some chinese books that I have. ESPECIALLY the writing of University, and the writing of interpretation of the writing. It will be a hard read as the language is not modern, but I know I will enjoy it. Thanks dad for lending me the book. Promise I will read it.

- And on the topic of chinese, I am also intending to carry on writing this little dream novel that I have. For those of you unaware of the concept, dream novels are fan writings, where the fan include themselves into the story and therefore it is like it's happening to you. I did this with Prince of Tennis back when I was 17, I wrote up to 60 pages of chinese back then actually. Having re-read it many times in my adulthood and laughing and cringing, I have decided to revise it to make it more logical, and therefore also practising my written chinese, to make sure it never goes rusty!

- And finally, knit and run and draw, and eat.

I am so happy that I will probably finally be able to join the crew fam out in east for Tuesday session, and all the knitting. I cannot wait to finally use my knitting machine again. It has been 6 months and I have not felt like myself since the day I packed you away. Oh and I need to de-dent you a little. Friggin' moving companies.

So I think I will be quite entertained for a while...

C

Reflection, 15 years

Today marks the day that I would have been in the UK since 1999.
I came over when I was only 11 to study in an all girls boarding school in Bristol. It was such a strange experience. I had only been to England one time prior to that and it was a year before, I joined EF and went on a 4 weeks language course/tour with them. I had the worst time.
I was a bit of a bully when I was younger, not proud of it but I learnt a lot from my mistakes. So as a bully, I would get the group to isolate and then because I also used to be quite a bad (as in, did it a lot) liar, I lied about something. I think I lied about my birthday being in August just because I never had kids my age celebrating it with me, so I wanted to feel like people celebrated my birthday. So I lied it was in August, just so I could have my celebration during the camp. And on the day, bless them, they actually surprised me, but knowing me being a bad (bad at it) liar, I forgot and they found out and then they isolated me.
As you would have it, I then got comfort becoming friends with the girl I bullied before. Long story short, I was a horrible person and I deserved it all and it made me really sceptical about England.
Coming back a year later I was scared. And excited. This was a whole new life. So excited that even I couldn't call home the first month, I didn't care. I didn't even cry. I was THAT excited.
Then it sets it that I had to be in this foreign country all by myself, and this thought daunted on me the hardest when I came back to school in the spring term, having experienced one term here and spent the christmas holiday back home and enjoying the comfort of my family. I got back and for one week, I was terribly ill, I refused to adjust my jetlag and I cried. I cried all night and all day. I really thought about asking my mum to take me back and don't send me away again.
Fast forward 8 years and I would be leaving the school that helped shaped my teenage years, that had such tight curfews and rules but they were all for our own good, and friends that were closer than sisters because we literally were on top of each other 24/7! It was the best experience (and expensive too) I could have ever asked for and I thank my parents so much for doing this. Speaking to them as I am older I realise that it hurt them immensely too having to sent me away when I was only 11. But the education system in Hong Kong really was not suitable and this was one of their only choices.
London was fun. I partied. I studied. I designed. I danced. I kissed. I cried. I laughed. I also found love.
And now. 15 years having been in the UK. Still waiting for my citizenship. This is my only downfall about this country. I wished it was easier and I would have had it already. If I did, it would open so many more doors for me. Also, I don't even want to say how much money my family and I have poured into this country. GIMMETHATCITIZENSHIPALREADY!
Despite that, I would never change anything else about my experience, my time and my life here in the UK.

Lunedi, 01/09

So, after all those post about running, I guess I should talk about the other topic that this blog is about, knitting, if I can stay on topic.
I kind of have one of those typical design story, where I was taught how to knit and sew at a young age, and I made clothes for my dolls and then I want to pursue a career as a designer.
Well, not quite.
I was indeed taught how to sew when I was 6 by my dad, whose mum made a lot of dresses for me and was quite an inspiration. Around the age of 12 or 13 my mum taught me how to knit. I did not have the patience to use a 4mm needle to knit a Harry Potter inspired scarf with stocking stitch. So I left it for my mum to finish.
Then I wanted to be many things in my school years. A writer, a playwright, a psychologist, may be even an interior designer? I did not even know the existance of Central St Martins when my friend told me that is where she wanted to go , at age 14.
However, I was enchanted by the books and stories of Lord of the Rings, this prompt a fascination of elves and fairies and all sorts of magical creatures and their beautiful, sparkly outfits. Also Orlando Bloom with long blonde hair. (I use to vividly imagine him with that make up, in t-shirt and jeans, just to convince myself, yes, a normal person can look that beautiful in normal clothes and long blonde hair.) So I started thinking about making clothes just like theirs. So there were many trips to the art block and looking through the scrap boxes, only to find very small pieces here and there.
So naturally, I wanted to be part of and useful to the drama department in school, helping out with the costume cupboard, that was fun. Fun time with my good friends Yaz and Rachel (who sadly, is no longer with us. She had a beautiful soul. RIP).
Then, I got into Visual Kei and before long, I was dressed head to toe in laced dresses and bloomers and just too much lace for one person at any one moment. I made all those clothes myself because they were expensive to purchase (or I had no idea where to buy them). Plus I found books in japanese that taught you step by step how to sew these dresses. What could go wrong? From here on, I participated in Cosplay too (costume playing for those of you who don't know, and it was an awesome pass time!)
I was asked by my dad many times during this period of my life, around 3 years 'do you think you look good?', 'Why do you dress like this? why do you want to be so different?', 'Does it make you feel good when people look at you?'
Naturally, as a rebellious teenager looking to be different from everyone else, I had replies like 'I don't care what anyone else think, I am my own person. I will do what I want.' And these were words that I went by when I enrolled into the foundation course at Central St Martins.
But slowly throughout the 5 years there, foundation and placement year included and numerous internships and part time jobs later, I found that my aesthetic has majorly shifted and I almost cannot recognise myself 5/6 years ago. If you see me now, I wear the most non-exciting outfit in the most comfortable shoes I can find (Flyknit Frees. Not a product placement on purpose, I just really love them). My wardrobe basically consists of stable and understated pieces that I can wear years after years. I love throwing things out, giving it to charity, or reusing anything that I have made. But slowly, I am finding it more difficult to get rid of things because everything I own, I have had them for years and I wear them all the time and I love them all. I guess this is a good thing. Easy to pack up and very friendly to the environment.
Anyway, that's off topic. Knitwear.
I guess I can say I have had many years of experience with knitwear now, especially machine knitting. I love churning out pieces for myself and friends. Less so for myself for the exact reason I mentioned last paragraph. There is still so much to learn but I am so grateful for the most recent experience I have. Of course I wish it could have lasted longer, but alas, I am sure something will come along (hopefully better? But how to top V?)

Final Running Journey Thoughts

On another note, when I moved away to Rome, I became part of a very closed and friendly running family, a family which I hope to stay in close contact with and run with them again after I have moved back to London. I met the Tiber Runners the second day I have moved to Rome and I am so thankful they have included me with such welcoming charms. Although I didn't speak Italian and only some of them spoke English, we were able to connect without problem because we all shared a great passion for running. Through something as simple as putting on shoes and heading out onto the streets, parks or river banks, I have made a solid group of friends, which I thought I would never get to experience in my short amount of time in an alien country. And these people run hard! They really put in the miles and handwork and they really inspire to become a better runner too. I am extremely thankful for Coach Alessia, who takes the run every thursday from Nike in Rome. She is a runner. She is a competitor and she races in the regional races, winning one after the other and it is such an honour to be able to be coached by her. She really made me believe that I could get faster and better. I also have my Roman family to thank, for starting to appreciate my calves a bit more. I mean, like I said before, I still really don't like them and wish they could be smaller, but, when I am always surrounded by them discussing about my 'Polpacci' (calves in italian), one starts to blush, and I am beginning to try and see the appeal in them.

I mean, I have to thank my huge calves and my thunder thighs, I genuinely believe that it is the existence of these humungous body parts that have helped me in avoiding some running related injuries (I hope I haven't jinxed myself now). I have also adopted the whole running on the ball of my foot ever since my dad's teaching, taken in running posture notes from Born to Run, and other sources. Also, looking at instagram photos of Elites and runners in general and how they tend to land and position themselves in a run. Combine all the information together and I think I have came up with quite a good pose that lasts throughout the run without becoming too rigid or too exhausting. I have also started training. I don't really have a plan, other than trying to fit in a short tempo run, a long run and a training session with some core work and yoga throughout my week. My workout does not consume my life. I am a designer that is currently working so I cant just dedicate all my time to working out (although in the past month it must seems like thats all I have been doing but I blame that to #Chasesummer! By the way, go #crewwasabi!). All in all, I like to enjoy my exercising time and never really put too much pressure on myself. The last thing I want to happen is for me to start hating this healthy lifestyle and slum back to what I was like when I first moved to London.

But I believe that wouldn't happen. Mostly because of the great spirit of the running community and family I have made. I actually feel like anywhere I go now, I can enjoy the city with a run, I can meet like minded people with a run and I can relax myself after a long day of sign seeing with a run. All of these must be doing something good for myself.

Now, back to the original topic, from god knows how many entries ago.

Marathon.

I have finally decided to take the plunge and do it next year, in the year 2015. Why, because I am currently having some major FOMO. Actually, no, I just think that may be, perhaps, I am kind of ready for it. Even though it has only been one year since I started running half marathons.

I look at all my running friends around me and a lot of people started running way after I have but have already complete one or two or three or even more marathons. I am starting to feel a bit like a failure. What has taken me this long to compete in one? What am I so afraid of? Why don't I just do it like everybody else is doing?

To answer that, it is because of myself. It is precisely because I will judge myself to harshly about it that I am really afraid to make that jump in distance. I have said previously, when I don't complete a run in a certain time I really beat myself up for it and get very upset about it.

Another reason is that I feel I am not prepared yet. I want to reach a certain time in my half marathon and possibly a 20 mile before proceeding onto a marathon. My current PB for a Half marathon is 1:38:00 and I have yet to run in a timed 20 miler. I would like to bring my half marathon time down to 1:35:00 before even considering a marathon. 

But In the past year, I am starting to feel that in order to get faster at my half marathon, I need to start training for an even longer distance and testing my endurance, before I can bring up my speed for a shorter distance, like how I have done with my 10k to half marathon jump.

Also, for this, I have Ade to thank. He is one of my very good friend from RunWest and in 2014, he went and did the London Marathon and I am so extremely proud of him to have done that. I am even more honoured to have been part of his training journey and was able to do a few long runs with him before I left the country. On one of those training run I managed to do a marathon distanced run, without originally planning to do so. It was after this amazing experience (my legs were fine the next day, what?!?!) and able to do this training run in a humble 3:51hr that I feel, may be, perhaps, I am kind of ready for a marathon.

Currently I am trying to bring my pace down to a 7.30min/mile on a 12-15 mile run, while focusing on some Yasso 800 track work out. I believe if I continue working on this, I will be ready for my road to marathon in 2015. I know people always say, enjoy your first marathon. As this is your first race, it will always be a PB. But I don't think I can live with myself if I went by that. I am very competitive when it comes to running and many other aspect in my life, and I am the most competitive against myself. This is exactly what gets me down sometimes. I am so competitive that I beat myself down and I feel terrible about myself and my not so great achievement that sometimes, I just think, what's the point?

But I think everyone has those moments and they come and go. So now, I want to be able to prepare very thoroughly. But I want to be really prepared. I know there are days that you don't know what might happen and may be on race day you wake up and you have diarrhoea or that stupidly I have decided to get really drunk the night before and wake up hungover. Whichever situation I might be in I want to be really prepared because I don't think I can live with myself if I chose to do a marathon and I didn't get the time I really want. Again, this is probably why I still haven't done one, is because I am so afraid of the could have, would have, should have. I need to just grow a pair, and accept all the possible scenarios and be as prepared as I could be.

Also. I want to start travelling to places and different countries and meet like minded people. I want to meet all the crews around the world. I want to meet all the runners around the world. I want to meet all these crazy people that think running 26.2 miles is a great idea on a sunday morning when you could be lying in bed with breakfast. And I think even though running a half marathon is still a great distance to travel for, to run a marathon is an even better reason to travel for.